Has anyone in a professional capacity done any research to exclude sexism from being a factor when encouraging women to stay in toxic relationships? He blames me for absolutely everything including his heart attack, affair with my best friend ten years ago and for apparently using hom like a cash cow for years and spending all his insurance money. Have spent so much energy either covering up his behaviour, excusing his behaviour and being the only person willing to confront him that his behaviour is unacceptable. But William screamed the whole way here and all I want is to watch TV! Id protest when my brother took over the only TV on vacation. Overall, she is sad and lonely, still wondering why she cant seem to make a point on her own behalf that shed enjoy at least a card acknowledging her birthday, even though birthdays may not be important to him. Most of my friends have loving, attentive, thoughtful, doting husbands and mine doesnt lift a finger or do anything nice for me or help with the kids. Sometimes she does such a good job at this that the children see mostly what the mother wanted them to see: a bit of normalcy. I agree with your stance. I also always felt that his phony religious parents were hiding something from me. I have seen this many times. I know that but I feel this immense sense of loss and bewilderment. I cant imagine going through the divorce process alone (my family has told me directly that Im a terrible person for even bringing up the idea, and my mother said that she would break ties with me). Many of us didnt know about AS until after we were married. We had many conversations online over the years, and I learned a little bit more each time. I spent my childhood being very internally scathing about her and adulating my Dad who I saw as clever and funny. I dont think I had or have a disorder I was just a normal energetic little boy who was bored to tears with school and wanted to be playing outside instead of stuck in a classroom. I am not a partner of someone with ASD. As my anger and hopelessness faded, a real friendship has been forged between us. I have a therapist who is helping me, but though I understand I dont think Ill ever lose this feeling of sorrow and shame. You have two boys with ASD, there is only so much stress and loneliness one human being can withstand. When they find out the wife is not trapped and she divorces, the ASH is famous in courts , as being shameless trouble makers and the judges KNOW THIS . We stay in separate rooms and I believe this feeds into his ideal of a perfect relationship- emotionally distant but still physically close and full of civilness. I have been married to an AS for 31 years. I have to accept that even if comes around with the usual flowers and Im sure he will when hes ready,the verbal abuse is not acceptable for my own sake..Ive been unhappy and unloved for years. When I asked for further counselling as there was more we needed to address and still no intimacy he accused me of changing my mind again and walked away. I like to think I still will but I havent so far even though i know it would be the best thing for me . He has extremely devout religious commitment. He may have sympathy, empathy and feelings but he cant express them in any meaningful way. When they are upset over something like a forgotten birthday, I will remind myself that even if I didnt mean to, I could have tried harder to remember, and they have a good reason to be upset regardless. She understood, and whilst she was very discreet about it, she was also calmly reassuring with him. I am by no means perfect. What I meant to say was .. Now, she might realize shes wrong but.. she would NEVER let me know it. Communication and sharing is key, like you are doing here. I did not tell her to change how she sees things. I intellectually feel sad at the loss of so many years, but I am completely in the dark as to how to connect with her at the emotional level she is needing. I left my Aspie husband in April last year, after wanting to leave for 3 years we were together for 14 all together, and have 3 kids. Only if I thought I would be taking care of him in just a few years would I worry. And I was right. My love to you. A few months into our marriage is when I really noticed his issues but I was young and didnt know if I was doing something wrong or if every couple had the same issues or what. He was my first love, very handsome, loyal, but we havent had sex for years. Take care! I often say it is difficult to put words around what is not there, what is missing because most people in society have assumptions about what is normal and taken for granted in any relationship at a basic level, and much of this just isnt present, but weve no words to describe it. He obsession excludes other forms of culture (I am Nigerian Canadian) but he is not able to see what he does. He became much more selfish and self absorbed. Now, should there be more awareness? Im reluctant to even begin to talk, because hes not listening anyway, and hes not talking because hes in his head. I got here trying to research why my wife didnt seem to have much theory of mind. If she is fortunate, she has learned to re-create herself in such a way she has a career or an involvement in the community that allows her to experience herself in her competence and to be acknowledged by others as a person worthy of attention, worthy of friendship, even worthy of a birthday party. But, it is still a bit jarring to hit the bias wall. Now, I have lost my job and we are moving to the city where he used to work and he is going back to work. This is a form of PTSD related to the experience of ongoing trauma. Some people even say that we are the cutest couple ever this is not what it actually is. He was like a stone .i would councel him, speak to him and cry .he sat without any expressions .next day back to his normal self . I feel I understand why I need to protect myself with me time as now Im home my own usual ok ness in my gut is flat which I recognise is from feeling sad emotionally. He does those things sometimes, but for multiple reasons there has been no sexual relationship for 15 years. The world do not know the difficulties you have to endure. This article was quite humbling to read, in a good way. If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, or in crisis, its very important that you get immediate help! When I needed an ear to listen, I was only given problem solving. One child especially blamed me for the fathers issues. Even the gait of his walk is odd with his arms down by his side not moving and the stomping of his feet and his expressionless face. Came upon this article last night & cried all night. My book is gonna be published in Spanish but I guess translated in English. Yes, my mom made me the best birthday parties, I was never short of anything like that. She might feel codependent, but in reality she will have a better pension than mine and would be fine living on her own. He was extrovert, talkative, and a larger than life character, and in our private lives he used those characteristics as part of a broad pattern of bullying. The symptoms are very subtle. For my ASD husband and myself, divorce wasnt the best choice and weve been fortunate enough to transform our marriage into something that work for both of us and our children. I do think in my husbands case, there was generational childhood neglect, he really was incapable of deep connection unless he was around animals or exercising. I do not care that he doesnt do the things he does on purpose, thats of no use to me! I had no idea he was Autistic until after all of our kids were diagnosed and his mom finally told me he was in special education classes for Autism when he was younger. Brooke's parents, Teri and Frank, wed in 1964 and divorced when she was five months old in 1966. Nope, not allowed. So lonely, and hes like a third child at home. I saw how distant you were after I accused you of X and I didnt know how to get you to stop that that conversation didnt happen until I broke down and cried after spending an evening having him clearly expressing emotions of anger and disappointment about everything but what he was frustrated about without allowing for any interjection. You can do one of the following immediately: Call your local law enforcement agency (911); correction: for my case NOT to continue to be dimissed by magistrates as just another high conflict divorce where the parents need to put aside their differences for the sake of the chidren. So they can be nice or kind whilst courting genuinely but they dont understand how to implement these things on an ongoing emotionally intense basis. I am just beyond frustrated that no one can seem to get that he does not have the skills to communicate, connect, be present, and emotionally connect. I have looked at myself for 50 years trying to figure who/what I am. I am not sure why everything is now considered a disorder. I never intended to cause her pain. He really struggles with that. Thank you for your comment. His constant anxiety related to living in what feels like an alien culture is soothed by predictability. . This is just one example of the many times I felt the lonely isolation and hurt, in what should have been a relationship and family unit. My husband also has Multiple Personality. Please dont consider yourself an idiot for wanting your marriage to match your hopes and dreams. Appreciate your thoughts. Everyone thinks he is such a nice guy. He is a good provider, a CPA, but he rarely gets me gifts for any holiday, says Christmas is for the kids so he doesnt get me anything. Because he never has been is not capable he cares for no one but himself and his brothers and dad. I believe aT times the familiarity of them is what he wanted. I am getting healthy enough that I can identify my PTSD moments/weeks, when theyre triggered by ASD-type dismissals or gas-lighting. That comes from me having trained him after so many years I suppose. Most of my life I have been a pushover for lack of better words, I suppose people-pleaser works as well. Im so confused. She would be a different person if her husband wasnt around (he is aspie too). Mine presents as OCPD ASD. Its as you said excitement to share an experience with the love interest. You are all very convincing. Not for themselves, but for the families that are exposed to them day in and day out. According to him Im needy, dramatic and never do the right things. Im going to be 48 in 2 weeks and hes now 42. 
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